Well, today I am depressed. I don't know why. I guess one reason is that I left a message on her phone, and she said I was "whiny." She said I should be strong. I can be at times, and I guess other times I am whiny. But that is me, I was just feeling kinda down missing her, and I left this message. I am definitely not happy and perky all the time. I get pensive and quiet and sad, at times. Things do bother me. What can I say?

Another thing is that we have gotten into the habit of confessing certain things to one another. Well, ok, confessing past sins. So I guess they have had a hold on me, even though they were long ago and I thought they were over. I needed to repent, and ask forgiveness of God. So I did, and I guess thinking about all the things I have done wrong, really made me upset. I shouldn't be, because they are forgiven now. So maybe that is not a reason I am upset.

I always told my friends who were depressed, that when they are, they are being selfish. They are always thinking of their own feelings. Well I guess it is time to take my own advice. I am being selfish. Jesus talks about the greatest type of love and He says this, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) So this kind of love is all about giving. There is no selfishness here. It is truly about thinking about the other persons involved. I need to do this. But it is scary. It involves taking major MAJOR risks. What if the other person doesn't love back as much? What if not at all? But it is the right thing to do, no matter how hard, I have to try to take the focus off my feelings and think of hers.

Well I feel a little better. There I go again about my feelings. :) The tough part will not be saying anything to her when I do talk to her. I will have to keep it quiet, let her see this on her own. I guess that would be the best thing, now lets see if I am strong enough to do that. So am I whiny or strong? Time will tell...I will let you know!