Lock your doors?

Recently I have been reading My Utmost for His Highest, a daily devotional by Oswald Chambers. It is short and quick to read daily, yet gives deep insight into spiritual life.

Today I read The Holy Suffering of the Saint.

Choosing to suffer means that there must be something wrong with you, but choosing God’s will— even if it means you will suffer— is something very different.

That brings up the question, are we choosing the will of God, and as a consequence, are we suffering? Or are we suffering out of our own choice?

My sister and kids are over the house. Her kids used to love me, and they did. But after a few days of staying in our home, they started saying things. Calling me a liar, saying my room stinks, things like that. They are only kids--not even teenagers, but of course, it does hurt when you know people don't like you. So I just decided not to talk to them and to ignore them.

I started thinking, what happened, what did I do? I haven't done anything different with them, I tease them and play with them, but nothing different from before. Then I remembered my sister's comments to me, about why I was ignorant about certain bills my parents paid. And about my Vonage phone, whose is it? I also realized that they are answering my phone. So I have come to the conclusion, that they are talking about me, pretty viciously, and the girls are listening to them, and that is why they don't like me anymore. It is probably my mom and my older sister that is doing the talking. I also noticed that my parents are making their plans for retirement, and my dad is asking my sisters about what they should do. But they do not include me at all in their plans.

It is clear that they think I have betrayed them. By not marrying the person that they choose, at this particular moment. I remember last Thanksgiving, we went to my elder sister's house. I told them, please don't talk about my marriage and about my girl, leave these things out. Well, right after Thanksgiving dinner, they started attacking me. They all said I was wrong to disobey my parents, and that I was acting in emotion and all kinds of things. My sister said that because I am disobeying my parents, my kids will do the same thing. And all about how American marriages end in divorce. I told them, if you want to talk one-on-one, I am willing, otherwise, I will leave. So..they didn't stop, they kept attacking me, so I just got up and left and drove home.

With that experience in my mind, I am really being careful. Now that they are talking about me, and making these veiled comments. Let me digress here, I hate the way Indians make these hints in order to get a point across. They don't want to be rude and be direct, so they say things in a roundabout way. I remember one of my aunts didn't like my mom for some reason, and after my brother's marriage, everyone was praising the marriage and saying good things (like you should). And she said, "The food didn't sit with me right, did anyone else get an upset stomach from the food?" This was her way of saying, "I don't like you people, but I can't say that so I will complain!" So this is the same thing that my elder sister is doing. And my mom has done for over a year towards me. She complains about my church, my friends, and on and on...

So I am avoiding my family members. Some of them are just not saying anything and others are most likely talking about me. If they want me to move out, or help with the bills, or whatever, I wish they would say it. But I don't have to go through another experience like last Thanksgiving. Is it an accident that shortly after that, I started having the reactivation of my Crohn's disease?

So this was supposed to be about suffering. I am suffering. The question is, am I suffering because I am doing God's Will? I think the reason all this is happening is because I have found a woman who loves the Lord. And I want to marry her, and my parents don't. I truly believe that she is the one that God wants me to marry, and my pastor at church agrees.

It is so hard, not to be angry and hateful towards my sister, and, I hate to admit it, but even her kids. So I will keep my mouth shut, and pray that my heart will change towards them. If my heart changes, I won't have to worry about my actions, they will take care of themselves.

So in the middle of all this, my door locks stopped working on my car. This is a 257,000 mile Toyota Camry Wagon. :-) First the driver door wouldn't unlock, then just a few days ago, the passenger door wouldn't unlock. So I had to open the wagon and crawl through to unlock the doors. I was thinking of getting a remote/keyless entry mechanism, or perhaps getting a locksmith, or installing new locks completely. Obviously, I don't have the money to do lots of that. And my obsessive-compulsive tendencies won't allow me to leave my doors unlocked (as my girlfriend suggested, such a simple solution!!!). So after hearing my sister's kids accuse me of breaking their doll (which I didn't do!), and then call me "liar." Again, I didn't lie, God is my witness. I put some lube on the key and played with the lock. And then the lock worked, and I tried it on the driver's door, and that worked as well. Honestly, It just lifted my spirits. Thank you Jesus, for making something go right in my life, even if it is such a small thing.