Shocker Number Three

So my parents are ok with it. And "Allen" and my other friend were both going to go and help me buy the ring. I wanted to get it done. No reason to delay. At least the ring would be on her finger and I could study for my last exam. How exciting! Of course, before buying the ring, I would talk to her dad about it. And my parents, as well...

Meanwhile, I hadn't had my Remicade since the end of last year. I had problems with my insurance and hadn't gotten it reinstated. I finally got things settled, but I feel great. Why should I go through the Remicade if I feel fine? And the fistula had closed as well! I have to accept that as God's healing. But I will have to wait and see...

That is a major decision to make. And my parents are both having health issues as well. So I have to help them out. My mom just had a surgery and my dad is having one as well. In addition I have to take my exam this summer. I cannot postpone any longer. And...and...my car died and I had to fix it myself to save money. So I ordered the part and it took a week to come in! And when it came in my mom was recovering from surgery and we were driving to and from the hospital and rehabilitation place. So with that and work and studies there was no time. I was using my bicycle to commute and getting dropped off if it rained. And the studies weren't going well because I couldn't get to the library. Well fortunately all these things worked out fine and my car is running well and back on the road. My mom is doing well and in well on her way to recovery.

During this time, I called her and told her that I felt neglected and lonely. To be fair, she was pretty busy herself. She was and is involved with many things. And she was seriously pursuing a job change. After much thought she declined the job offer and stayed with her current company. And she had also joined another church group and they were sponsoring a speaker whom she had invited to speak. So she was very busy doing that. All I wanted was just for her to listen to me and hear what was going on. I patiently listened when she was considering the job offer, and I drove up there to support her when her dad had his surgery (which was very major). I did the right thing. And I also did the right thing to tell her how I felt. Which was the truth. All I wanted was to hear from her was something like, "What can I do?"

Instead she got upset at me and said that she lives far away and I can't expect certain things from her. And she stopped calling me. She stopped talking. Everytime I called she was abrupt and was acting distant. I started to do the same.

Finally the speaker came and the event occurred. So I decided to call her and ask how it went. She was very abrupt and cold. I asked her what was going on. She said that I shouldn't be living with my parents. She said that I should have passed my exam by now. And a lot of other things were said including that my views on her talking to other men was ridiculous.

I told her that she agreed to that, we made several agreements, one being that we would have a "say" on friends of the opposite sex. I have put my foot down on occasion, yet have not on other occasions. The conversation ended.

Two days later, she was still acting strange. Distant and cold. We had exchanged email passwords a long long time ago. Every now and then I would get in her box to see what someone had emailed her, for example a Pastor's wife emailed her (I supported her in that as well), and she would want my opinion. Since she wasn't talking to me, I was getting really worried. What was going on?

So I started checking her email again. I saw an email from one of her older women friends that I knew. It said something regarding me, saying that she should tell me gently and ease a certain piece of news upon me. I was stunned, although I felt something coming, and I knew it wasn't good. I called her right away and told her I read this. She was upset at me. She was angry. She said I shouldn't have done that, and I asked her why she gave me her password to begin with? She said I got it all wrong. I asked her to explain. I don't remember much of what followed. I think I was in shock. But I knew I needed to study and I couldn't put up with this anymore. Emotional highs and lows. Incredible. She said she was confused and we had planned to meet and talk about it. But I discovered the email. And so she told me she didn't know if she wanted to marry me. She said that God had some plans for her and they didn't seem to fit in with mine. She couldn't imagine being a doctor's wife. She needed time to think it over. I told her to give me time to study unhindered for my exam. So we are taking a two-month break. And I said lets just break up. Completely. And if we are the ones for each other we will definitely get back together.