Tonight was tough. I told my mom, that I wanted to know if she should come and visit. Mom was wavering a bit. But then she finally said, I have a major exam coming up and I should concentrate on that. Then afterwards I could have her visit. So it wasn't no, it was not yet. I was so upset. But what to do, I am supposed to submit to authority. I am supposed to follow their wishes. Of course, it was their wishes for us to meet, they arranged it. But I guess even in the timing, I have to submit. It was tough to take, I felt like crying. But I didn't.

I called her up and told her. She took it well. She must be pretty strong. Although she was a little bothered cause one of her friends had said that what we were doing was sneaking around and that was supposedly wrong on our part. So I guess she was wondering if her friend was wrong. I still don't know if she was hiding her emotions or what. But my sense is that this woman is one tough cookie. When I expect her to be shattered, to break down she shows resoluteness, and strength. And yet other times, she weeps and cries and seems so tender. So far she has been pretty tender with me. But I wonder. I guess we are all pretty complex, and to be honest I am getting to know her. Our honesty with each other has helped a lot. And when we are together (which is what counts), things are quite straightforward. i can read her, so that is good (and she can read me, i told her how to!). One thing is that I am pretty cautious and wary. That can be bad, but I see so many good things in her. I have so many flaws, and yet she overlooks them.

Another thing is that she has a focus, an ablility to concentrate on things. She is really intelligent. And coupled with this ability to concentrate, I think she can do quite a bit with herself. She has lots of potential. She just needs some stability (ME!), in order to figure herself out. She needs to know where she is supposed to go in life. She is at a crossroad, there are lots of problems in her life, lots of uncertainties. My life, on the other hand is fixed. The future is set, there is no turning back, no wavering, as to where I am going and what I am supposed to do. That matches my conservative personality. On her side though is that complete uncertainty. I guess you can call it living by faith. It is too much for her at times, but it is amazing that she can live that way. She literally is waiting for God to speak to her so she knows what to do. That is an amazing way to live, entirely by faith. By not making plans, she lets God take over and provide. Sometimes, she has to come to a standstill, but other times, absolute miracles occur. I know, I see them.

This is a very special woman. I am thrilled to have her in my life, and look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.