Broken Record

I know this is ridiculous. No one reads this blog, except for one other person. :-) But I guess it isn't really about that. It is more like a journal, and a record of events so that we can look back and see how good/bad/dismal things were. And then we can see the Hand of God and how He works things out for good.

So today, once again, when I awoke, my parents were making veiled comments. They were asking what I had for dinner last night, when they wanted to know if I had met her. They knew I did, yet they refuse to do anything about it. I have met every person they have wanted me to meet, and I have requested that they meet my pastor and the Dean of her Seminary. They haven't done that, even though I have requested for around one year. So I asked my dad, what did his friend, John, say about our meeting a few weeks ago? And my Dad said that John said it was Spiritual Warfare. Then I mentioned about my church and got nothing but grief. My older sister was comparing it to a cult. And then I called her on it, and she backed off. I mentioned Matthew 18:15-17. And how Jesus said to approach people directly if they sin against you. And I compared my sister's one bad experience at my church, to my two years experience there. She backed off, and then the topic changed. When I got to church the Pastor's message was on Phillipians 4:4-8. Last year, when I was in India, my parents told me to visit another girl for the purpose of an arranged marriage, they told me that I could choose between that Indian girl and my girlfriend. At that time, that Indian family was loaded and had tons to offer me. During the church service, I read verse 8 of Phillipians 4. And I thought that my girl had all those qualities. She was honest, real and truly loved God. Enough for her to leave her family and struggle with nothing relying only on God for her every need!!

Last night when I was with my girlfriend, we read the Bible, and read passages relating to marriage and prayed together asking the Lord to show us His Will. And if we were wrong to convict us of this so we could turn away from each other. And if thus far, if we were right to think that God wanted us to be married, that He would give us a clear sign that it was the will of the Lord. We prayed, and then there I was the next morning listening to the Pastor read the same verse, Phillipians 4:8. I had forgotten about that verse. And then, sitting in the pew, I was almost moved to tears. I thought about how I was spoken to, 10,000 miles away. And how many times I came to church seeking a confirmation. And today I got one. Was it God actually tapping me on the shoulder and saying, Marry that woman! ? No, but other than that, how much more clear could it be? God spoke to me with that verse clearly. So much that in the past I mentioned that verse--and used it to describe, why we thought it was God's will. And then 16 months later we pray and ask for a sign. And within 24 hours the pastor is preaching the same verse and saying do not be anxious for anything! So for me, this seals it. All the circumstances, both of us being reluctant to meet each other. The way we hit it off, how much we both had in common--music, running, the arts, etc. Then both being led 10,000 miles away to be together in the same city at the same time for different reasons. Her losing her passport and ticket and money. And being alone, and me being able to help her. And all the people who we went to for counsel and how few people actually said we shouldn't marry. Plus the fact that we were still together after all these days and all these hurdles. Then recently my pastor telling us to persevere. And telling us that he feels this is of God. So if you add all these things together, and then we pray, and within 24 hours one of the verses that God has given us comes up in a sermon--to me that is confirmation on my part. I still want to wait for hers, though.
Isaiah 40:31 and Proverbs 31 were two passages that also spoke to me regarding marrying my girlfriend. I will keep my mind open as to when this should occur. But in my mind, God has spoken to me through circumstances (meeting her while being obedient to my parents), His Word (passages mentioned above), and peace we have with each other, also the fact that I am growing spiritually, and finally that in my conscience I feel absolutely no qualms about being with her. Oh yeah, the fact that everyone I meet says we should get married, spiritual and non-spiritual people, and the only people opposed to it--my family, well they give the most unbiblical reasons for us not being together! More on that later...

Thanksgiving is a few days away...

Last Thanksgiving, my parents and family confronted me right after the Thanksgiving meal. They said I was wrong in what I was doing and that I should end the relationship. I told them that I was willing to sit down and discuss things with them one-on-one. They weren't willing to do that. I am kind of dreading this Thanksgiving. I feel that they might try the same things again. Last year, I just left. I got up and drove home after they started confronting/badgering me. Was I a coward? No, I wasn't. Because before I left to do down there, I told them this was a time for the family to be together and not a referendum on who I was to marry. They agreed. But they broke their promise. I am glad that I did that--I took a stand. I think I will say the same thing again this year. Everyone is coming, fortunately some guests are coming as well, and Indian tradition dictates that we should keep the family name. Therefore no disputes in public. :-) In any case, I have my defense, and it will come right from the Gospel. In fact, I look forward to defending myself.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend quit her job, prematurely. Her last day was Friday, and they were giving her such a hard time, she said "I'm not coming back." Now she has to fight for her benefits and the back pay they owe her. I had chest pain last week. Found out that I have mitral valve prolapse. Not as bad as it seems. But now I have to take a beta blocker for the rest of my life. I don't understand why my health is going downhill. My girlfriend feels that it is stress--it might be. Anyhow, life goes on...but I feel good despite all this. God is good to me.

So following is a photo of the two of us, taken a few weeks ago...:-)


I had the camera on a tripod, and I dropped the see-saw just as the shutter clicked. :-)

Another Meeting...

Today I met with my Pastor again. He felt that I was doing ok, and told me how he had been praying about my girlfriend and I. He listened, encouraged me, and offered support. He also said how special my girlfriend is, because she left Hinduism for Christ, was rejected and basically disowned by her parents (although the relationship is much better now), and was beat up by her former pastor, and now by my parents. Isn't that rough for someone to take? Yet my pastor said that it was amazing that she was still around. When she left her parents home, because they would interfere with her reading the Bible and going to church (they still do); she had nothing--she lived by faith. God provided her needs on a daily basis. My pastor sees what I see, that she is a wonderful girl and a treasure, and that I will truly be blessed with her in my life. He also mentioned her inner beauty (and mentioned her outer beauty as well!).

One thing I mentioned at my girlfriends request, was that on my mom's birthday, my girlfriend wanted to send her a small gift. This was done in the hope that the relationship would be repaired. So she wrote a nice card, and then she took an article that my mother had given her and framed it and mailed it to my mom, along with the card. The article was one in a major Christian magazine about my mother, and how she was living a life in Christ. My mom got the gift, took out the article, and sent the frame back without the card. My girlfriend was crushed, understanably. When I told my pastor this story, he immediately said, Tell your girlfriend that I love her, tell her she is so special and that she is loved. He never condemned my mom's reaction or even mentioned it, he simply expressed love. Now that is from God....

Ye shall know them by their fruit (Matthew 7:20)

continued...

So John's points were several. He first asked if I had considered if I was wrong and my parents were right. I said, of course, I considered it. He seemed to think that I was in outright rebellion. He really never seemed to be intent on hearing my story. He simply wanted to lecture me on what he thought was important--that I was wrong in being with my girlfriend, and that I was wrong by being counseled by people in my church (since they were false prophets), and finally he attempted to evaluate my spiritual life.

When he started asking questions, I immediately said, I would answer them, but that I wanted to ask him some questions. He seemed to be surprised. He thought that I would take the simple Asian route and be submissive. I would have, except that they had slandered and maligned the one that I loved. And unfairly didn't let her even defend herself. When he suggested that my parents might be right, I questioned how could they give their approval, but later change? What was it that happened that changed their minds? And whatever it was, could it be washed by the blood of Christ, was Jesus death on the cross not enough to forgive that sin? If it was indeed a sin...

He responded by saying that they made a mistake in giving their approval. I told him that in this process of arranging my marriage, and then attempting to sabatoge the planned marriage, they called her disobedient, and said that she had the Spirit of Jezebel. I said if these allegations were true, I wouldn't marry her. I suggested that we go and find out about her, and see if indeed these things were true. At the very least, if they were, we should notify her pastor and let him know what kind of woman was in their congregation. At this point, I would like to say that in the twenty months that I have known my girlfriend, I have spoken to her friends. Met people from her church, and seen her family. I can testify that she is absolutely not like this. She has been unfairly treated. It is just like The Scarlet Letter, except that my girlfriend's "sin" is that of not avoiding the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). We haven't had sex! Of course, sin is sin, but to be dragged through the coals for this sin? And just like in the book by Nathaniel Hawthorne, the man (me!) is not held accountable at all!

John then brought up her former pastor, and said that he had said some damaging things. I told him that I went up to meet him and that he wouldn't meet me. He told me to make an appointment. He wouldn't even spend 5 minutes addressing why I drove up to meet him. I then told John if I came to his apartment and saw his coffee table and spent all my time looking at it. I would describe only the coffee table if people aske about John's apartment. Yet someone else could come and see the bedrooms, kitchen, the books, etc. And their view would completely differ from mine, yet theirs would be just as accurate, though more complete. I tried to get him to see that even if her former pastor was correct, that it wasn't a complete and true picture of my girlfriend. (I don't even know what he said or what the pastor thinks...but perhaps I should go and meet him...or should I let it go?). In the end, John said that I was very intelligent and he made veiled references to pride. I also told him, I have exams to study for and that I didn't have time to go and meet more and more people about this. I have "explained" my position to more than 10 people, to satisfy my parents. Yet none of those 10 people are in the picture right now. I told John I am willing to meet with anyone, anywhere, anytime, yet when I asked him to meet my pastor, he was very hesitant.

John seemed to draw a line and make a point that my family was very important. Even more than my church. And he made this point, or tried to, by attacking my Bible study, and my church. I think he was suprised that it didn't turn out at all the way he anticipated. But the Spirit of the Lord was upon me, and I made some good arguments. But more than that we have told the truth so there are no surprises. The truth shall set you free (John 8:32). Whereas my parents, have left gaps in the story. I really feel bad, and don't want them to look bad. So I will just focus and finding God's will.

Well tomorrow (actually today), I will meet with my Pastor--a meeting scheduled before I even sat down and talked things over with John. It just shows God's faithfulness. As I stressed to John, if this relationship is not God's will, we will end it. And we have prayed that the Lord would show us the truth, and show all involved the truth.

Veterans Day 2005...a day to remember

This past Wednesday, I went in to work with a heavy heart. I was expecting a load of work--far beyond what is reasonable for the pay. The workload I was expecting was not there. Three girls made up all the lost time, and caught up with everything in a matter of hours--about six hours, to be precise. The leader was a pharmacy technician who happened to be black/African American. She was amazing and performed better than anyone I have seen in that pharmacy. And she did it with a smile on her face. I told her she was in the wrong job.

So today, Veteran's day, my parents Chinese friend, wanted to meet with me for a second time. Let's call him John, just to make it easy. So John had come with me to my Bible study, once. And then he invited me to dinner the same day. Meanwhile my parents had started a Bible study in their home twice a week. I would keep running into him (I work or am at the library most evenings), and he would keep saying that we should get to know each other. I was certain that he was an agent of my parents, simply there to deliver a message to me. John came once to my Bible study and didn't say anything and then never came back. I asked my dad, why was John coming? Did he want to change churches? Why not come for the Sunday service? At first my dad said that he was just interested in seeing how things were at my Bible study. I had the feeling that this was not the case. Someone in my Bible study, suggested that I was being double-minded. I brought this up with the leaders of the Bible study, and they simply said that I should be honest. So I decided I would--I would treat him as if he were being upfront with me.

But today, my dad said that the prophetic word that was spoken at my Bible study didn't come through. Also, he said that a woman led the Bible study. The prophetic reference, meant that indirectly the Bible study was that of false prophecy. The other reference was that a woman should have authority over a man. These are legitimate concerns. But, as the Bible would have us resolve disputes, John should have spoken up then and there, rather than tell my Dad. (My dad and mom used to go to the church that I am going to and the Bible study as well). I mentioned this to my dad. And then I left to meet John for dinner at his house.

On the way my girlfriend was praying for me. Prior to this, they attacked her primarily, and secondarily myself. Now they were going after my church and my friends in the church. That hurt me, knowing that someone came with a hidden agenda to a Bible study, where people poured out there personal problems and pleaded for prayer and God's mercy. Actually, I was pretty upset. At the same time, John said very little--actually nothing, about the situation. This was effective in creating a sense of tension in me! So I prayed, and I said to the Lord to help me. And help me to see the truth, and if I was right to defend myself and my girlfriend.

I went in to John's apartment, and he was cooking a delicious Chinese dinner. We ate and then we sat down and prayed and started talking. He tried to control the conversation, but I didn't allow him. I was respectful, but at the same time, everytime he asked me a question, I would ask him one. He didn't like that. He thought that I should sit and listen to his lecture. But he had simply heard my parents side of the story and had already come to a conclusion, despite not knowing my side of the story. Furthermore, I mentioned my father's words to him, and I was honest with him. He kept emphasizing that my parents and family were important. But I kept talking about how God was important and doing His will.

I also brought up Romans 14:12, and how I was accountable for my actions, and that I would have to face God and stand before him. And with that, I was aware of what I was doing, and I have proceeded with caution, and continue to do so. He shared with me Proverbs 4:23.

Well, it is getting late, I will have to finish this later....

So bad it is funny...

This past weekend I went to see my girlfriend, spent the night with a friend from college, then spent Sunday at church and at my girlfriends place. Just before I left, my parents (who had an idea where I was going) told me that after one month of prayer this was not God's will. That was one day after my birthday. What a feeling, they celebrate my birthday, and to honor them I postponed spending my birthday with my girlfriend, then the next day they are back to their old position. I have told them time and time again to meet with her pastor, or my pastor...they refuse to do so.

It is hard, but our relationship is stronger than ever...

Meanwhile, at the pharmacy...

The two full-time pharmacists have left and we are short on people. Things are really really bad. They just don't have people, and the floater pharmacists that come in are steps away from retirement, and they simply can't do it all. The other day was the worst day I have ever worked there. It was so busy and there were so few people working that we couldn't anwer the phones! For several hours we didn't answer the phones. We closed the drive through, because there were no people to staff it. People made multiple trips for the same prescription. And the lines of people...waiting for prescriptions which are essential. Right now, the pharmacy is closed. There are stacks of prescriptions waiting to be filled. The drugs that came in on Monday have yet to be unpacked and placed on the shelves. It is laughable

Well at least most of them can see that we are doing our best. I hope they see that it is the corporate failures that have led to this. They worry about the bottom line, and saving money, and cutting hours left and right, and then people want to leave. Then there is no one to fill the vacant positions because they are paying less that the competition. Things will improve, but it will take a long long time...I wonder if I should stay...

There are substitute teacher positions available...

And I have to study...not even sure if I can finish the exams for next year...but I gotta try my best...................