Mother's day 2005

Today is Mother's day. My mom was upset, not really at me though, and my parents went to New York City for the day. So we had plans to have my sister and my brother and his family over. So that had to be cancelled. I waited but my parents never came home until almost midnight. I washed my mom's car, and vacuumed it, and changed the oil. And I put air in the tires, as well as lubrication of the doors, and other things. And my siblings all pitched in and we are getting a cell phone for my mom. It should come by monday. So by the time my mom came back she was in a better mood. She was actually in a good mood.

Today I went to church and things were pretty bad. My mom was not around on Mother's day. I had just had a colonoscopy on Friday, and found out that I had ulcers in my colon--not good. That means I am probably losing blood, and getting anemic. I won't be able to run or cycle effectively. On top of that I have had some pretty nasty reactions to the drugs that I was taking, so the remaining drugs are pretty potent ones, with plenty of side effects. Hopefully I won't be allergic to these as well. The other option is just let it be and see what happens. How scary is that? I have been sick many times before, and this was just bringing me back to the past again. Flashbacks of being sick in India, all of it was coming back. My times in the hospital, unable to eat, losing weight. Fevers lasting for over a month. Imagine, everytime you take your temperature, that you have a fever, for a month. I just am not ready for all of that again. Anyhow, I was at church, not having any friends, and my girl is nowhere to be found. And once her Indian parents find out that I am sick they are not going to want to have me as their son-in-law. So now I lose the love of my life. On top of that, assuming that I lose her, who is going to marry someone that is sick, as far as Indian traditional marriages go, this is not a good risk. And my parents are upset at me. Church was ok, but I came back and was in a dark mood. Then I had a bowel movement and at the end, there was the blood. It was back. I had this sinking feeling. Loss of blood, anemia, drugs, loss of appetite...a big endless cycle, spiralling down. Oh, Lord, please, spare me....

The the phone rang. I *69ed. It was her. Yes HER. (I called and left a message earlier saying, that she would be a wonderful mother, no matter who she married). It was my girl. So I called back and we had a long talk. I know, I was supposed to only talk for 20 minutes a week with her, according to the agreement with my dad...and I guess I exceeded it. She called me for a change. She was singing at an Indian function and her american friend left to go to church before she started singing. Anyhow, she was upset, and we talked and I poured out my heart to her and she poured out her heart to me. I told her how sorry I was for some of the things I had done in the past. I had judged her for her sins, and yet mine (in the same area) were so much worse. I apologized. I really love her. I know it, in my heart, that she is going to be a perfect helpmate. She is the woman in Proverbs 31. I told her how much I loved her and she told me she loved me. IT was wonderful to hear her voice and to feel her love. I am ecstatic. But I have to go on and do the things that I am supposed to do. PAss my exam, and seek God regarding our relationship. God knew how down I was, and He created that urge in her to call me. He really does care.

I feel God has a plan for my life, a specific plan. He has given me gifts. I may not be a crucial figure in the 21st century church, but in some way, I will be useful touching some lives here and there. Fulfilling the role that God has for me in His Church. And God willing, my beautiful girl will be alongside me as we fulfill our roles in the Church together.