Here I am in the library, unable to study. Yes there was an extended argument last night. I just saw some things I didn't like. (I am sure she saw things she didn't like either). I guess the thing that bothers me most, is that I don't think she cares about me as much as I care about her. The evidence for this, is that I simply asked her a few things that I wanted her to do. She didn't do them. She just gave excuses. Her behavior shows her feelings to me. If she doesn't listen to what I say, then what am I supposed to do? It is not like I am demanding things and that she MUST do things. But I just asked her to do a few things and a week had gone by, and not even a response from her. She didn't say that she couldn't do it, she didn't say that she didn't want to...she kept silent. I just don't understand that. If she says she loves me but doesn't listen to what I say (it almost felt like she was ignoring me), then what do her actions say? She had time to go the dentist, get her hair done, go running, go to a "pampered chef" party, go meet people, but not do things that I requested. Not even a response. That bothers me. The purpose of a courtship, dating and then engagement, is for what?

* In 1215 Pope Innocent III declared that there should be an official waiting period before a couple married. This was the beginning of the engagement tradition we know today.
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/6/story_605_1.html

What is the engagement period for?
1. Time for testing – to evaluate
2. Opportunity to make a transition from single to being married.
3. Time to prepare for responsibility for married life.
4. Plan the wedding.
http://www.uen.org/Lessonplan/preview.cgi?LPid=4332

In retrospect, the two other disagreements we had, were quickly resolved, and the things were forgotten. So perhaps I am overblowing things, taking things too seriously. Maybe. I am open though, and I will tell her all these things. And I will be open to criticism as well. I will listen. My guess is that things will be resolved. But the issues at hand can pose some problems. There are quite a few, one being her parents, and relationship with them, and their approval/disapproval of this relationship and the consequences of that. Her parents are Hindu, and she, like myself is a born-again Christian. She went through some very difficult times after she became a Christian. She has explained some of them to me, but whenever we talk about her parents and the marriage, things change. It is as if there is a chill in the air. The fact is, it will be difficult for her parents to give their approval for her to marry a Christian, furthermore, a Christian from a different part of India. This may seem like splitting hairs, but if her parents say no, what will be the result? I asked her and she said, that she didn't know what she would do. She said she would wait. That is a non-answer. Or perhaps, a truly honest one. From what I see, in her eyes that was not a possibility. That they would say yes. But is it wrong on my part to ask such a crucial question, something akin to where we should live, and other things like that. If they were so important she should have had them get involved from day one. She didn't, they dropped her off to met me and they left. That signifies a limited role for her parents. Yet my parents were there, and I told her this is an arranged marriage and it has to be arranged by my parents.

She said the Bible says,

"Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."
(Exodus 20:12)

I agree with that, and I heard someone equating honor to respect. She can respectfully say to them she honors them, but in her Christian faith she cannot marry a Hindu. I guess I want her to say that if it comes down to it, and her parents tell her no, then she will marry me anyhow. Is that selfish? Maybe, but I respect the fact that she said, she doesn't know. Is this too hypothetical a situation? No it is not, but I have seen this happening, but in most of the cases the parents finally give their blessing. But this questions is a matter of relevance and if she doesn't know if she can give up her parents to be with me, or to go against her parents to be with me, then that says a lot about what I am to her.

To be fair (and I have given her this blogger info a long time ago, and more than once, but to my knowledge she hasn't viewed a single post yet), there is another verse in the Bible.

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well
pleasing unto the Lord. (Col 3:20)

This is also true, but the Bible clearly states that God should be first. I do believe that this is God's will for us to be together, so perhaps I should drop the whole thing, expect a miracle, and wait for her parents to say yes. That might be what I will have to do.

The other major thing is that she feels God is calling her to be a missionary, to serve Him. She feels a strong calling for that. And to be honest, I don't. This is another major thing. There should be unanimity on this issue. Period. We can't just overlook it and say, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. Nope. It has to be determined or at least before the marriage. Of course, I will have to pray and seek God, and see what he wants me to do. One thing is for sure, if her parents know that I want to be a missionary, they will not allow their daughter to marry me.