Conflict and Resolution (well getting close to a resolution)

Yesterday, my dad, mom and elder brother confronted me. They all feel
the same way and are united against me. They left out my sisters, who
agree with me. They then proceeded to tell me that I should leave
her. And stop talking to her and to cancel any and all plans for
marriage. I got really angry, how can they keep bringing this up? I
told them, that I can't be without her and I need to talk to her. I
also said I would cancel all plans for marriage with her, and tell her
"no." But I said only under the circumstance that they stop looking
for a wife for me. That they would tell all the people that were
pending that I was no longer interested. This got them a little
upset. But after some times they agreed to it. I am scarred and
bruised and feeling numb.

I then called her, and she said she didn't love me. She said to leave
her alone and that God would take care of the rest. I could not
believe she was saying this. I left a few emails and told her also
to call me that night. I waited and waited and she didn't call. I
stayed up the whole night, playing the guitar and listening to music,
and waiting for her call. She didn't call. I felt so terrible. (I
know that is selfish, but I have grown to lean on her and I need her
solace). I then started to think terrible things, and started to do
destructive things. I looked up in Google, the names of her exes.
And I found their photos. I just looked at them for the sole
intention of inflicting pain on myself. It sounds terrible, but I was
just so devastated. I know I did something wrong, and there is no
excuse for it. I couldn't do anything else, I knew I couldn't
intentionally displease God. Even at the time, if a beautiful woman
came on the television, I didn't look. I didn't want to hurt her, I
wanted to hurt myself. But don't think I can ever commit suicide.
But I did think about it. I fell asleep at around 7 or 8 am. I then
got up at noon, and called her. She said she had to go.

I asked her again, repeatedly if she loved me. She once again said
"no." This was too much. She said to stop calling her, I tried to do
that, I even tried to break up with her. But I can't I am already
feeling so much pain. I failed the exam, my parents are angry at me
for this whole thing, and now she wanted to leave me. She kept saying
trust God. But at the moment, under emotional duress, we need support
from loved ones. I was getting none. No support from anyone. I then
asked her if I could call an ex. She hung up the phone.

I called one of her friends and she told me that I needed to leave my
girl alone. That hurt me, because I didn't realize that she had told
so much to her friend. I thought this was between us. I don't mind
her telling her friends, I just want to know who and I don't want her
to tell everyone. Just a few people, I don't mind. We all need
support. But sometimes girls get out of hand and tell everyone. I
don't mind her telling her problems, but I felt a little bad that she
said stuff about me, and then I was hearing from her friend and not
from my girl.

I kept trying to call her, and repeatedly tried but i could only leave
messages. After about 15 minutes she called and said, that she loved
me. I just broke down and started crying. That was all I needed to
hear. I can go years without seeing her, but if she doesn't love me,
that will crush me. Although if she truly doesn't, she needs to tell
me that.

Almost immediately, one of her elder friends called up. Actually
her friends husband. He must be in his 40s or so. He spoke to me for
about 90 minutes. He told me that if we felt so strongly that it was
God's will, he said we shouldn't bring it to a close. We could put it
on hold, and wait for sometime. But to say no to God's will is wrong.
We could wait to see if God could confirm it. I also told him some
of the circumstances around the previous attempts at marriage in our
family. I told him I thought this was my mother's overprotective
nature, and that my mom thought this was a battle between her and my
girl. That is the clearest explanation. And it explains my mom's
intense hatred for my girl. The answer to this is quite simple, once
my mother sees that there is no competition and that both her and my
wife can coexist in a loving way in my life, I think the problem will
be solved. My mom needs to know to let go. That is the simple fact.
Anyhow, this uncle (Indian term for any elder male), said that the
other thing he had to ask was her call. She felt like she had to be a
full time missionary. And he wanted to know how that would fit in
with my plans. I told him that I had no plans at all to be a
full-time missionary. And she felt that she had to be a wife and
mother first. And she was open to short-term missions as I was. I
told him that I would have her call him and clarify her "call." The
uncle also was impressed that neither of us had any preconceived
notions about what we wanted in a spouse. I indicated that both had
given a blank sheet to God, when it came to our requests for a spouse.
After all this he said that we could perhaps even talk, but we needed
to seek God's will. I also told him that I had seen another girl and
had went openly, and told God that if this other girl was his will I
would marry her. God told me in Phillipians 4:8 that my love, my girl
was the one for me. He also didn't give a definite answer whether I
should meet other girls when we were on a break. Of course I don't
want to do that. But he basically left the door open to what I
thought, and I think until I know 100% about my baby, it is morally
wrong to meet other girls.

I will talk to one or perhaps two more people regarding this, and then
present all of this to my parents. And then prayerfully decide if
this is the girl and the one I am supposed to marry.