One week to go

So she finally read the blog. She also put a couple of posts, but
told me to delete one. She thought that it is too depressing, that it
seems as if the relationship is always going through rough times. So
I told her she should tell it like it is, she should write something.
She will, but to be fair she has a lot going on as well.

I am just not in a good mood today. One week to go for the exam...8
days. I just am tired, and grouchy. I need exercise, I feel dull, I
have body aches, from not doing anything. Can't wait until it is
over, I just hope and pray that I pass. I am getting scared. I know
that I should pass, but it is such a tough exam that yes, I do have
doubts. And I don't want to go over this stuff again. I want to move
on. To be fair my preparation has not been good. I really need to
discipline myself. I always say this right before the exam, always
having regrets. We never learn from our mistakes. Never. Well, I
will truly try this time. I think though that I will pass, I have
been praying and I believe things happen for a purpose. In order for
that purpose to be fulfilled, I shoud pass. I mean I have been
studying, just not as diligently as I should be.

I also miss her so much. It is the stress of the exam. I hope for
the next exam I will have her near me. By my side. The emotional
support would be tremendous. Just having someone there. Who knows
when this will all happen. Her pastor doesn't seem to thrilled, he
thinks she is called to be a missionary to India. Full Time. And he
wants to know if that is where I am called. Not exactly. I spent 5
years there and don't really want to go back permanently, not at
all....short term is ok. Then her parents want me to pass and get a
job before I marry their daughter. Which is reasonable. I am just
tired of all of this. I shouldn't complain, my life is great, but it
is the fact I love her, and see these obstacles. It is difficult to
imagine being apart from her. And I see things pulling us away. That
is why I am this way. I trust that she is commited to me. From what
I have seen there is no doubt about that. So...I need to show
patience and get back to the books. Discipline is doing something you
hate, as if you love it. That is someone else's quote. So I guess if
I am disciplined now, I will never have to go through this again. I
hope.