The Preacher Speaks

The preacher that baptized me lives in New York. I decided to go and ask him for advice. I told my parents that I was going. I drove into the city and arrived about 15 minutes late. We went for a walk along the Hudson River, and started talking. He was wearing sunglasses and I could not make eye contact. This threw me off a bit and I was a little hesitant at the beginning. That and also the fact that we were walking and talking. Eventually we sat down and spoke at length about the whole situation.

I started out saying that I had not been going to church and that my parents had numerous problems in arranging the other marriages in our family. He knew that and was familiar with our problems (he officiated the ceremonies for both my sister's marriages). I then told him about my beloved, and how she was from a Hindu family and how her mother abused her (most of it verbal) as a child and after she came to know Jesus as her Saviour. I told how she sang, and was an athelete, and how I felt that we had so much in common. I mentioned that she was attractive. And how all the other Indian women I met were just so dull and boring. He recognized this and said that I was also an American.

I proceeded to tell the whole story and about our meeting on Memorial day weekend, and our time in India. I mentioned how we went to villages and I had the chance to use the guitar that he gave me in the villages. How I ministered in the villages, medically, and how I helped people. And how she did.

He asked me why did the second meeting go wrong? Why were things going bad? I told him that we were meeting secretly, and our familiarity with each other, was viewed by my mom that she was not a "decent" girl.

He said I was to blame for doing things in the darkness, the secret meetings and the time in India. He said if I had been open about things this may have not happened. He also laughed when I told him that my parents wanted me to meet a doctor in India, as a prospective match. He knows what goes on in our house. My sister's near marriage, cancellation and then once again the marriage "set him back at least two years." He told me I need to pass my exams and then things would be ok. I needed to sit down with my parents, admit my faults and my sins, and then tell them that I would email her and bcc them, or talk once a week or whatever they wanted. I agreed. He also told me to "stand my ground." He meant that if I felt strongly about this, I should not back off. This was surprising. He also defended her regarding her "calling." He said many people, including himself and probably my father, had a full-time calling, but never went. He said this is very common. As long as she was willing to submit to her husband (me) things would be fine. He also said she should get as far away from her pastor as possible (well now, the ex-pastor). Finally, he mentioned how there might be problems because of her abusive background. I think he mentioned this because of what my parents would be afraid of. He said that God could change not only my parents' heart regarding this marriage, but also God could heal her of her abusive background. It was at this moment I wanted to say something about my past, but I hesitated. I felt that I had already told him that I wasn't going to church and that I had stayed in a hotel room with an unmarried girl, I couldn't go deeper than this. Perhaps one day, but it would have to be with someone I truly trusted. It would have to be with someone that I had a deep relationship with.

In closing he mentioned that there was plenty of ministry in New York among Indians. This was an indirect reference to her calling to minister to Indians. He also told me that I should consider moving to New York for the rest of my training. He said everyone he talks to in my area is struggling spiritually, including my parents.

Out of all this I got a non-commital answer to my problem. My initial reaction when leaving was that it was a waste of time. As I though more and remembered some of his reactions, I realized that he was on our side! He really let some things out that showed his support. Nothing monumental, but something significant.

I came home and was at peace and ready for whatever happened. After my parents fell asleep I called her, and my mom came down and saw that I was on the phone with her. She yelled at me to hang up and stop talking to the girl immediately. I was so irritated. I told them that if they are going to try and control who I talk to and when, I was going to move out. I am seriously considering that. Seriously. If I move out I think I will move closer to my girl, and hopefully our relationship can grow. I am prepared for that and I feel that will be the best thing for me.

I will pray and seek God's guidance about this.

I do love her and hope that she will be with me, and support me through all this. She almost seems non-commital. But I have faith that God is doing all this, and she is a child of God, and she will submit to me and she will love me. I have seen the depth of her love, of our love, and I long for that minus the minor problems we have. God has lots in store, I can't wait!