Submitting and loving

The Bible clearly states that women should submit to their husbands and men should love their wives. The relationship is compared to the Church and Jesus Christ.

The Bible says that wives should submit to their husbands and husbands should love their wives:
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it"
Ephesians 5

This is not an easy thing to do, how can a man accept a submissive woman without exercising power or dominance over her? How can a woman submit without feeling a loss of control? The secret is that both should be submitted to the Lord Jesus Christ. Only then can it work. I saw the following on the Bible.com website:

"What is the definition of submission? It is yielding to another's desires without resistance. Submission to another's wishes is an attitude of the heart done willingly, while surrender is yielding by being forced to do so. Our first submission should be unto the Lord. "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind'' (Matthew 22:37). God never forces someone to follow Him nor does He want us to be forced to follow or yield to another human being. He wants us to lovingly submit to Him and to each other. However, because of the evil in some men's hearts a person under their authority can be abusive and a submissive person can be asked to do things that they do not believe is right. That is why the Bible also gives perimeters to submission. There are Scriptures that give us a guideline as to how far any human being is to submit to another. We need to understand the proper role of submission in marriage so that our homes will be harmonious and free of contention.

The Bible teaches that, in the Spirit, women are equal with men, and each must submit unto Jesus as their spiritual head. In the flesh, in the marriage relationship, women are to be subject to their husband's headship."
(http://www.bible.com/answers/asubmit.html)

The point of all this is that we had an argument. I was calling her too often, and she wanted her space. She said she is independent and not used to being dependent. To be fair she had a tough weekend. It started with someone slandering her, to the women in her Bible study. That was followed by her former church struggling because many people had decided to leave the church. Anyhow one thing led to another and she broke up with me. I wrote her an email saying that I respected her decision, but that I felt that this was still the will of God, and that I would proceed in faith. I was supposed to get counsel from some people regarding our marriage, and I went ahead with making arrangements towards that end. I also agreed that when I called her Sunday night I was too combative and that I should have been more sensitive to her needs, and feelings, since she went through a lot over the past few days.

By the time we spoke the next day, things were fine, and we got back together. I understand that she has had a tough time with people that love her. They show love and she returns that love and then gets rejected in a harsh way. This is why she is struggling in this relationship, because she is afraid of the hurt. That has already happened numerous times. Not that it is entirely my fault, but it happened. So what do I have to do? I have to show her more love and just demonstrate love under all circumstances.

When she says things, I take them literally, on the other hand, she says things and can change her mind pretty quickly. So I have to be patient, and wait things out. I realize that she is struggling with her past and she will eventually commit herself completely to me and then things will be ok.

I can see how much she loves me. She doesn't know that one word from her, one tender word, can just melt me. When I called her, I was expecting a battle, yet she just said hello and was soooooo nice to me. We talked and it was just a wonderful time of learning about each other. She is going to be my wife, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I just love being able to be completely honest with her. Perhaps God has other plans, but right now I feel that she is the one for me, and if God wants something else, I will go that way...can't rule anything out.

I also like the fact that she is not stubborn. I mean she doesn't hold grudges, the next day things were ok. We need to resolve things, but it is hard when we aren't even supposed to meet each other, how can we go to people and get advice? I pray that God will help things to go well. I pray I will prove to her that I can be the leader that we need in this relationship.