Faith, Hope and Love

We spoke today, and she is still keeping her distance. Even though she said that she thought I was from God, for some reason she is not asking me about how I am and how things are. I think she is "guarding her heart." That means she is not getting emotionally involved with me. But on the other hand she pours out her heart to me (at least that is what it seems). She doesn't even ask me how I feel, even though she knows I am sick. That is tough. But I was reading 1 Corinthians 13, and it says that Love is patient, is not jealous and doesn't take into account wrongs. So I really need God's grace to truly love her and not be upset.

She told me that she called her ex-boyfriend. She had wanted to do this for a long time, I told her that I did not like her doing that. And she agreed, but deep down inside she still wanted to--that is what she told me yesterday. That she called him and then she realized that she didn't like him anymore. I thought this break, was to see if we were God's will for each other. But no, she is seeing if her ex is still appealing. I was actually fine with it, because I thought she called and then was done with it. I don't know why she called him, and then today I asked her if she was going to call him again. She said that I was supposed to "trust her," and she wouldn't answer whether she would or wouldn't call. I thought at the very least, she could email so that I would know what was happening. She really liked him a lot, so much that even when she was with me, she was thinking about him. That is why I was so upset, because when we were together, she was bringing him up. I can't believe it.

These thoughts were running through my mind all day. On and off. I finally prayed and asked God to really take control. How does God want me to handle this? How do I want to handle it? I want to call her and yell at her, and say that it is not fair. But love is patient, love is not jealous. So that is my answer from the Good Book. I shouldn't do a thing. Since she is a believer in Christ, her conscience will let her know what to do and what not to do. Perhaps she is not doing anything wrong at all. I really don't know if she will call again, if they will fall in love, or what. It is so hard. But I will let it go. God will protect and change her or perhaps change me. Perhaps it is ok for her to call him and to talk to him. Perhaps I am being too ridiculous. Maybe, but it kills me inside. But I will let God handle it, I won't say a word. I will try not to. Unless she asks me, specifically. If she doesn't want to know how I feel or how I am studying, then I won't tell her. If she cares or wants to care, she will ask me. Oh Lord, give me grace to hang on, in these difficult times...