IN GOD WILL MY HEART BE TRUE

Hello. It is me. The girl. I just wanted to say some things (because I feel that if anyone were to read this, they may just think that I was a mean, thoughtless, flippant girl who has no respect for herself or anyone else-- and that really bothers me).

Okay, first of all, it is NOT like it appears to be concerning my ex. I hate to sound like I am trying to justify my actions, but take it from a girl's perspective, we have this innate ability in our hearts to love others with care and compassion. Especially if that other person has helped us in our lives somehow along the way. So... this person, my ex is yes, somebody i used to really care about, but at the same time, has helped me through an AWFUL LOT. Therefore, I thought it was only fair to not totally write him off, especially when he has done a lot for me. I thought I would simply give him a call. Perhaps it may be perceived as questionable of me to do so, but is it fair to rush to judgement while not knowing the entire story? I think so. Did i still have feelings for him? No. Was I afraid that I might? Maybe, but I knew very well that it was over between us a long time ago, and that was revealed to me by God before I ever MET the other person. Plus, even while talking to him, rushing back to my memory were all the reasons why it was a toilsome, difficult relationship with no true heart connection because we were simply too different. And all this realization had even occurred long before I even met the other person.

Therefore, it is over between us... God said no a long time ago. And what He says goes... No questions asked. So when I called to talk to him, literally, it was like a 7-minute conversation highlighting important events of our lives with no details, no emotions, and no real personal interaction between us besides just the formal "how is..." questions.

So when the other one heard this, he freaked out. I guess it was expected. I should have known better. Although somehow I had really hoped that the laid-back reaction he gave when I told him was true, I learned quickly that he was still lurking about in his old self's less-than-peaceful-minded ways pertaining to ex-boyfriends, thinking the worst and fearing the worst. I wish he would trust me.

So... am I an unfaithful, unloyal and ungrateful fickle-minded two-timer? I don't think so. I am faithful to God, and I haven't left that faith yet. With that, I do not plan on doing things that are questionable, immoral or undevoted. You must remember that as long as I stay true to Him, He will not let me go astray. Only He has the power to keep and lead me. Please believe that.

gotta go,
me