Where is she?

Darling, where are you? How come you don't call me? Even your emails are so brief. I want to know what is going on with you. I know, I know, we are supposed to be taking a break, in order to find the will of God. But how come you pour out your heart to me (kind of/somewhat) and when you won't let me pour out my heart? I know you have been through a lot and you need to heal and get things right with God. If that is the case I can wait. That is only fair. And if this is how it has to be right now...well, that is fine with me. If you simply need to lean on me right now, that is fine. I can lean on God, I don't want to burden you with much more. But please, don't do things on your own, get counsel, or seek God so that you are sure of what you are doing. But what is the point, you never read my blog. :-) Well, you act like you don't care, but I really know that you care an awful lot.

She really is wonderful, she does care. Right now, there are plenty of issues in both our lives, and I can see where she is coming from. Ok, I can't see...all women are crazy. They just don't think logically. Today I was getting my hair cut. Because of her, I don't go to the el-Cheapo barber anymore. I was going to this salon but the appointments and the cost ($25 before the tip) was pretty high. So I found an academy of hairdressing and I found that they cut hair for $10. Students-in-training (aren't all students in training?) cut the hair. So I went there and got my haircut. While I was there I spoke with the girl cutting my hair. I was the only male customer. She mentioned that male customers are very loyal to their hair-cutting person. But women are fickle, they change frequently. I think it is because of the woman's personality (as I know all too well) and also because women change hair, fashions and clothes often. In any case, my haircut came out well. I think she would like it. The point I was making is that all women have this instability to them. Perhaps it is a reflection of their creativity. Perhaps I am unfairly categorizing. In any case, I have found the place to get my haircut without spending a fortune--so I am happy about that.

Meanwhile I feel worn down a bit. I can feel that my body is weary. My shoulders are aching...my muscles are probably atrophying a little. I am still breathless, although a bit less. And I have little energy. After any type of exertion, I need to sit down, actually lie down and rest.

Darling, one thing I want to ask you about is this. Why is it that you are making so many requests of me. You tell me the ball is in my court, as far as this relationship goes. But it is not, you told me you want me to ask your father and your pastor for your hand in marriage. You have set up these rules, you have said that my parents have to agree. So how is it in my court? These things are contradictory. And then you have doubts whether it is God's will. Is there any wonder? Just let go. Leave things alone. God's plan is way above us. We can't put a label on how He will do things.

One thing I will not allow, is for you not submitting to me. Especially when we are married. First of all, I am stable and am a good leader. Second, it is according to scriptures. And you know me, I won't be overbearing and demanding.

We do love each other. There is a love here (Equal on Both sides) that is simply amazing. I do express it, but for some reason she isn't. Please express the way you feel, darling. Don't hold back, cause you know that I am not holding anything back...