Page Turner

We spoke yesterday and she said she wanted to write a book. I told her that I would take a photograph of her for her book, but she said she wanted it to be anonymous. I suggested Page Turner...haha..as the pen name. She laughed. Of course, I support her, in all she does. She has been through a lot (I hate using cliches), if she saw Christianity in reverse she might have never became a believer. By that I mean, if she started now, and went back in time, day by day, by the time she got to the place where she accepted Christ--she might have serious reservations. In Luke 14 Jesus says that we should count the cost before we do something. He also says that we are to take up our cross, and by that most would agree that means to endure, to persevere, especially when it is for our faith in Him. So if my darling were to go back...she would have second thoughts but knowing the truth and God's love--well none of us can deny that.

Today I got up and called my friend, to go to church with him. His brother was in town and he couldn't make it. So I fell asleep again, and then when I awoke church was in session for 30 minutes. I got up, slowly got ready, just saying to myself, what is the use...just stay home. And even when I was driving there, at that point one hour late, I was thinking of turning back. Now, my church is a lively place, and no one even notices people coming in and out. But the pastor was continuing his messages on the Lord's Prayer, and today was the part Give us this day our daily bread.

While I was driving to church, I realized how unwilling I was to go to church. The reason was that since I was late, I was feeling embarrassed. Most Asians, are very aware of other people's perceptions of them. Myself included. I was really dreading what people would think of me. I do that way way too much. It is time to stop. It is time to say who cares! I will worry about what God thinks first and then my girl, and my family, and then others. I am tired of these terrible Hindu customs that have wormed their way into Indian Christian Culture. I think that says a lot, because Christians are one, the same, black, white, Chinese, Indian..etc. We are one as Paul says.

When I got into church I sat in the last pew. I wasn't about to walk up and sit in the front row, that would be showboating...and I at next to someone who had the Visitor's CD from the Church, so I knew it was his first time there, later I got to speak to him and welcome him--so at least this was one good thing I did by coming to church late. The second thing was that the pastor was talking about Psalm 23, and how David says, "He makes me to lie down in green pastures." Now I don't know if the pastor said this, or if I thought it or a combination of the two, but what if we are in the green pastures and we don't know it? How many times does the bible say to wait on the Lord? The pastor did say how we expect too much from God. We demand, we are never satisfied. He then passed aroudn a few loaves of bread from which everyone took a morsel. He also recounted a story when his family were missionaries to South America. Their canoe with ALL their supplies capsized. They were stuck eating bananas for a long, long time. That is it. Just bananas. How fortunate are we? How fortunate am I? To be in this situation, with a beautiful (and she most certainly is) woman who loves me. And to be on the cusp of being a doctor, to be able to choose wealth and prestige (I think that God is heading me down some other path though!), or to be in a position where I can help so many people. He has given me intelligence, lots and lots of it, but I squander it by not being disciplined. He has given me every opportunity and gift--and I don't use them, not even for His glory. Lord, please change me...wait, change that...it is now up to me Lord. To further your kingdom, to have an impact for your glory. I need to change. I need to take up my cross, and realize that you have the best for me. And that by being obedient to you, you will be able to use me mightily. Maybe only in my family, but maybe outside as well..

I have been reading this girl's blog. I was just hitting that "next blog" button the the top right of the blogger pages. And I came upon hers. She is single, and just getting over a broken relationship. But the amazing thing is that she gets it. She knows that her first priority is Christ. And once things are taken care of spiritually, our wants and desires and priorities change. I have seen that with myself and my girl. How much we have grown spiritually in this battle with my parents. We have struggled, lost our tempers, have done our share of hating, and have hurted. But now, looking back, I am so much closer to my Lord. I am slowly showing my family how Christ lives in me. And she is so full of love, she is dying to herself. When two people are commited to the Lord, then success in marriage is a certainty. We have been completely honest with each other, I thank God for that. We have been blessed.